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Integrating Priorities

If you are anything like us, you have long since realized that you can't do it all. There are so many priorities in life that compete for our time that inevitably something ends up suffering - relationships, health, fitness, and sleep to name a few. These priorities always seem to be pulling in opposite directions, creating a tension that can cause us to either give-up, burn-out, or get sick. Again, if you are anything like us, there are probably many days that end unsatisfied, thinking about everything that wasn't accomplished.

One of our goals as a family has been to seek out areas where we can integrate multiple priorities into a single activity so they don't compete with each other for time and energy, but rather they work together and allow us to meet several goals at once.

Imagine if you could combine family relationship building, health, fitness, spiritual growth, fresh air, home schooling, fun, environmentalism, leadership training, and much more into a single activity. Imagine if you did all of that in one day and it all ended with an incredibly satisfied feeling and a bunch of tired, contented kids.

One Day a Week

For us, one of the most foundational principles that we have put into practice towards this end is what I call one day a week; devoting a whole day each week to a shared family activity. This was difficult at first but after shifting some priorities it has become a mainstay in our routine.

After working at this for the last couple years we have found the greatest success by following these guidelines:

• Do it away from home: Home has too many distractions. There is television, video games, the Internet, dirty laundry, dirty dishes, house maintenance, organizing, cleaning, etc. all of which will be right in your face if you stay around home. Leave the distractions at home and un-plug from everything that saps your mental energy so that you can devote your full attention to the family day. Spend the family day away from home. We learned this lesson the hard way!
• Do it outdoors: Modern society has too many distractions. Get away from the shopping, advertising, air pollution, noise pollution, and all forms of sedentary entertainment. We need the outdoors, more so that we actually realize. If you don't think that you need the outdoors, then I would suggest that you don't understand what you were designed for. Spend this family day in the great outdoors. Initially we spent our family time in the outdoors because it was cheap, but now it has become a necessity - we crave it.
• Make it physical: Hiking, cycling, skiing, climbing, snowshoeing, canoeing, kayaking... whatever you choose to do, make it human powered. Pick something you love, then give yourself permission to get excited about it - since you are doing this with your family you don't have to feel guilty about the time and money you spend. We are physical beings, our bodies NEED to move in order to function at their optimum level. Nothing is better than ending a day physically exhausted and mentally fresh. Our family picked hiking as our outdoor activity, but there are many others that would work just as well.
• Select an activitiy that is affordable: You are going to do this once a week, make sure that you can afford to do it. A plug for hiking: hiking is cheap!
• Select an activity that scales: Make sure that you can challenge yourself, and that you will be able to challenge yourself for years to come. It shouldn't bee too difficult for the youngest in your group, and too boring for those more capable. It should be an activity that you can all progress together at. Do something that will allow you to set goals, dream dreams, and have the potential to reach beyond your back yard into the world around you. For our family, we have dreams/goals of doing a long distance thru-hike and backpacking in foreign countries.
• The entire day: Work towards devoting the entire day to this activity - from the time you get-up until the time you come home for supper. When you first start out, start slow. Start with a couple hours on the weekend and then ease into it, making the entire day the goal. We did this over the course of a year or so. It really depends on a number of factors such as the ages of your children, and how long it will take to shift priorities.
• All year round: Learn how to be active in all seasons and all weather conditions. This is as much having the correct gear as it is practice and having the right mental attitude about weather. This has been a tremendous learning experience for us and has given us a lot more freedom to be comfortable in a wide variety of situations.

• Make it a priority: Don't let anything get in the way of this day. There have always been and will always be more things to do than you have time for. Many of these conflicting opportunities will be good. There will be difficult decisions. Learn to say no to the things that will take away from this day. Your actions in this regard will speak volumes to your family. When you say no to things, you are saying yes to your family and you are saying that they are the priority. This has a huge psychological benefit to everyone, especially the kids. We continue to struggle with this and probably will for the rest of our lives. There will always be too much to do.
• Don't over-extend yourself the night before: Make sure you allow yourself the time to prepare the day before. If you go to bed really late, or fill up the prior day with too much leaving you exhausted, the family day will suffer. Getting out the door is the hardest part, so doing everything you can to make getting out the door as easy as possible should be the biggest priority. We learned this the hard way too!
• Do it now: Don't wait until your kids are any specific age, or for some future event to occur. Start now, when your kids are young. Be patient, don't let yourself get frustrated by the slow pace, short distance, or complaints of discomfort. Be a good listener and help everyone to reach their potential. Before you know it, you as a parent will be struggling to keep up. When we first started out our youngest was 3 years old, my only regret is not having started sooner!
• Select an activity that everyone can do: Make sure whatever you do, that everyone can participate at their skill level, together. What you don't want is everyone getting to the destination and then going their separate ways for the day. You won't build relationships that way. The more skilled members of the family will need to slow down a little and those less skilled will need to stretch themselves to find the happy medium.  A plug for hiking: anyone with two legs can walk.
• No family member left behind: You are not out there to test your skill and grow as an individual (anyone can easily do that), but to stretch yourselves as a family which will be a more difficult, yet more rewarding task. Don't let anyone stay home! If someone is sick, don't leave them at home alone - you should all consider staying home. If someone is not motivated find out why and figure out what you can do together to pick-up their spirits. Mastering family unity and togetherness has been absolutely essential to getting our family on the same page for outdoor activity.
• Build the anticipation: Do things during the week that build the anticipation. Watch movies and read books about the outdoors, adventure, and your favorite activities. Get everyone inspired and stoked to have your own adventures. By the time your family day rolls-around everyone will be rearing to go. One of our yearly rituals is to go see the Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour for adventure inspiration.

One day a week is all it takes to start a family revolution!

Interested in minimalist footwear and adventuring in general? You'll want to check out Damien's interview at Hiking Boots Blog (kind of funny that a hiking boots blog is interviewing him and none of us wearing hiking boots - tee, hee).

It's getting harder and harder these last official days of winter to find snow.   We never really experienced winter this year. Global warming, El Nino or just a freak year? 

But we found snow this weekend at Black Mountain in Sumner, ME. There's about as many Black mountains in Maine as Bear and Bald mountains. If you want directions just ask in the comments. This particular hike wasn't our first choice. We initially wanted to go to Tumbledown in Weld, ME but the access road with the good foot of fresh snow was too difficult for our car to navigate. (That almost-adventure got us started talking about upgrading our '93 Honda Accord to a slighter newer 4WD vehicle).

So we choose another mountain "kind of" close by and on the drive back home. We didn't start till after 1pm and ate lunch at the car before heading up.  We were pleasantly surprised by all the snow.  There wasn't any to speak of at home.  There was so much snow in fact that we were wishing we had snowshoes with us.  Our kids each own a pair but us adults borrow them when necessary, which is not very often.

Thankfully a trio of snowshoers had been up the mountain already and met us on their way down and their tracks packed down the trail for us.  But their tracks stopped before the summit and our attempts to find the rest of the trail on our own landed us in snow up to Damien's thighs!

But it was warm and we were having fun. When Laurent's heels started getting cold from snow going down his boots (the boy forgot his gaiters! of all days to forget!) we decided to turn back around never having actually reached the summit.  

Oh well it was super fun anyway. And so, so quiet up there with the snow covered evergreens.  I just love snow!

More pics and story at FIMBY.

What a week we've had here in Maine. An incredible (and disappointing - where is the snow??) amount of rain. A work-visit from my parents and celebrating Laurent's 9th birthday. But before this week hit we started it all off with our winter backpacking trip to Camden Hills State Park.

Damien wrote a brief trip report earlier this week but now it's my turn to share photos of our beautiful weekend and a few thoughts.

Trip Specs

Our destination for this trip was the log cabin ski shelter at the aforementioned Camden Hills State Park here in Maine. The shelter is not advertised you just have to know about it and reserve in advance for overnight stays. We stumbled on this cabin almost three years ago and since finding this treasure we are always on the look out for other great places to stay like this. Reserving the shelter is incredibly affordable at $3.10 per person per night.

The shelter is situated 2 miles from the main parking lot on a multi-use trail which is fairly flat and easy to hike. From the cabin you can access several of the park's trails, most of which lead to or connect with trails that reach the beautiful views atop Mt. Megunticook. The cabin serves as a great home base for a weekend of easy, beautiful and not too remote wilderness exploring.

I could continue to give a synopsis of Camden Hills State Park and its trails but I'd rather talk about our overall experience (the photos will tell the hiking stories); the things we changed from last year and what we took home from the weekend.

Getting Better at Doing This

Last year's trip was our first time ever backpacking. We backpacked again late last summer and the combination of those experiences together with further research gave us a few things to try for this trip.

• Less clothes. It's so easy to overpack in this regard. We were very fortunate to have avoided the rain that started to pour a couple days after we returned home. Hiking in that cold, wet weather would have been miserable (talk about cabin fever!) and required us to pack rain gear. As it was we didn't take any. Nor did we take our really cold weather gear since the temperatures were very mild, hovering around freezing.
• Better packs. Last year I was so sore from the pack I had. It was simply an ill fitting (though well made) pack for my petite stature. Damien, bless his heart - that man does everything possible to make me comfortable, sold that pack and bought me new one. It's a bit smaller (yeah! I don't have to carry as much weight) but fits me so comfortably. This year I felt I could have walked much farther with that pack on my back and I didn't experience any soreness like last year's hip and shoulder bruising.
• Shared meals. This year we not only hiked again with my folks but also our friends Renee and John Sifferman (& their awesome dog Ronin). We shared breakfasts and suppers and each family was on their own for lunches. We divvied up the shared meals which especially saved us time in packing (making double of one meal is easier than making 2 separate meals) and also gave everyone a break from cooking during the trip.

• The more the merrier. This wasn't something we necessarily learned from previous trips but was an opportunity we have wanted for sometime; to enjoy the outdoors with other people, in addition to our cozy five-some. The outdoors is something we love. Things you love you want to share with others. What a treat to share this awesome family experience with both my parents and the Sifferman's. So many wonderful conversations, dreams, ideas, physical work, great food and lots of rest - all experienced together. Getting outdoors with like minded folks - highly recommended!

Looking Back: Moving Forward

On a more personal note (look away guys if discussing menstruation makes you uneasy) this was the first backpacking/camping trip in a whole year that I haven't had to deal with my period. What a nice break! A revelation less intimate but just as important is that I am "getting into" this so much more. I am not just along for the ride anymore because my husband loves this. I love this!

Sure, I don't particularly love the work of getting ready (which Damien does most of) but you know what, life is work. We're just choosing to spend those work hours in support of our values.

Living according to our values. That was the huge take home message of the weekend. We value family. The weekend had lots of that; three generations. We value hospitality & community building, did lots of that too. We value the outdoors. Well of course that was the major purpose of the trip, actually getting into nature. We value creativity. Oh boy, you don't even want to know the crazy ideas we talked about (actually you do but you'll just have to wait and see). The possibilities to create partnerships, livelihoods and living spaces. We value our faith. It's our faith that draws us outdoors and together with other people in the first place. We value real-life, physical work. Carrying your share of the weight, feeling your tired muscles at the end of the day but also feeling fulfilled and fit, what a fantastic way to go to sleep (at 8:30pm). We value good food (real food, prepared at home food). We ate so well, what a blessing. We do have other values but the weekend was rich in experiences that highlighted the most important ones.

Living an inspired and inspiring life. That was the other predominant theme of the weekend for me. Which is intertwined with living according to your values because 1) people who live authentically are inspiring and 2) you need to be inspired (and a little stubborn and idealistic) to live authentically.

Much of the weekend was spent talking and listening; dreaming and scheming. I came home from last weekend inspired to do something about it. To make changes on the small level that affect change on the big level. In short, I came home inspired. And to think I didn't have to pay big bucks, leave my family and travel to some overpriced hotel (conveniently located in a concrete jungle next to the airport) to attend a retreat, workshop or girly blog conference to feel this way. I just needed to be outdoors, physically exerting myself, with my family and friends, sharing conversation and meals. I think there's a lesson in here. (You'll find that John talked about these same ideas in his reflections from the weekend. Great minds think alike!)

Right now the lesson for me is about putting our values and all the things we hope to accomplish with our lives into action. Putting our daily planner and our pocketbooks into where we say our heart is.

Hard work? Yes. But living the life you want is good work, life changing work, family building work. Kind of like backpacking.